Words from my good friend Alexandre Dumas

"There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness." -- The Count of Monte Cristo

I encountered this quote in high school, the first time I read The Count of Monte Cristo. I remember reflecting on my own teenaged life and how these words hit the spot. Life sure was hard back then, my parents didn’t get along the best, my boyfriend cheated on me, high school girls are nasty to each other, deciding where to go to college and for what was a huge decision, etc. Pretty much, I had no idea.
In the six years since graduation, I’ve had a reality check, or seven. I fell in love my first semester of college and thought it would be a great idea to drop out so that I could move in with him. My parents flipped (this is a huge understatement). I waited tables and had a horrible relationship. A year later there was a baby on the way and because we were both raised that way, we got married. After a nine-month marriage I suspected him of having an affair; he still denies this to this day but the proof was staring me in the face. I then got to share my baby girl with the person I hated most in this world. I worked two jobs, got myself a hole in the wall apartment, bought a beater mini van from my dad for $40 and enrolled in college. After receiving a suggestive text message from my ex-husband, my tires were slashed and my windshield smashed but I’m not going to point any fingers on that one.
Eventually I fell in love again (this time I had a wonderful relationship) and within months of each other two of the most influential people in my life passed away. I became engaged, and had to postpone the wedding because my fiancé’s lupus flared up and his body was killing off his own red blood cells. After seeing several doctors who did nothing to improve the situation, we found one who treated him and once in remission, we had an absolutely perfect wedding. Two weeks later, he had a stroke. Due to a miracle and relentless praying and speech therapy, he recovered 100%. His doctor told us that if he had another issue the next medication prescribed would sterilize him. We did a lot of discussing and soul searching and decided a baby was extremely important to us so we re-vamped the timeline of our lives and decided to begin the process of baby-making. One month later I miscarried. This is not a pity plea, but rather to point out the fact that high school suddenly seemed wonderful.
If I’ve learned anything it’s to embrace misery. I’ve never been more thankful of anything than I am of the affair my ex-husband and his current fiancé had. Thanks to them I am in the best place I have ever been in my life. Thanks to my husband’s period of bad health, our relationship is indestructible, we take nothing for granted and appreciate and love each other more than either of us even realized was possible. Because I dropped out of school, I have matured, discovered what I want to do with my life, and my attitude and grades are better for it. The miscarriage is pretty fresh but I’m sure before too long, there will be an up-side to that as well. Perhaps we will have a baby soon and we won’t be taking that for granted either.

I’ve always been jealous of people who seem to have uneventful, happy lives. Now, I honestly feel sorry for them; how happy can they possibly be without ever having experienced the other end of the spectrum? One’s happiness can only be as powerful as the worst pain they have known. In the words of another good friend of mine (visit his blog at www.bensonjwright.blogspot.com), “When life throws me lemons, I'm going to throw them back, and go get some orange juice.” After all, making lemonade with those lemons is simply accepting the fact that you’ve been thrown lemons. To me this is unacceptable, you need to take control of your own life and make it what you want it to be, take it from me, other people aren’t going to cooperate in giving you the life you have in mind; whether directly or indirectly, they’re simply going to stand in your way, sometimes push you down, and occasionally spit on you while you’re down there. Stand up and walk away and go find yourself a glass of orange juice.